To Be Used

I was asked what it was that we did in Peru. I should have been more prepared. The trip just seemed like a dream, it went by so fast. And the question came across as desiring more than what was on the list of activities. It seemed to be looking for what it was we accomplished. Honestly, I can't say for sure what WE accomplished.

It was all so overwhelming. For a person who cherishes her time alone, to not have any time to herself, in any capacity for more than ten days was one thing. Trying to take in all the colors, textures, smells, and sounds as fast and as best as I could, plus do mental gymnastics in an attempt to communicate, was a whole other set of issues. Top that off with sleep deprivation, change in diet, exercise, heat, and humidity - well, it wasn't pretty. I wasn't pretty - inside or out.

So why do I desire to go back to a place where I felt gritty, smelly, slimy, and inadequate? Mostly, because the people there loved me anyway. They didn't expect much from me and accepted what ever entertainment, companionship, and love I had to offer. They gave me more than affection, they touched me with grace. They called me "Sister" and embraced me. Wouldn't it be something if we loved each other like that? If we loved one another not because of what they had to offer us, but because they are depraved flesh and bones like us?

I think the five days we spent there were like a brief field research project in my continuing education on humility. Include the six months of preparation and debriefing and I think I should get a few credit hours. In the back of my mind, I thought we were going to help the poor, but I was shown my own poverty. I thought WE would be the heros of the story and yet it seems that God has graciously allowed us to witness His heroic acts.

I'm including some photos that Brian and Sara took. They are great reminders to me of what my calling is - to be a tool He can use. Whether it is a crooked nail, a piece of hardwood, or a clay pot, I must allow myself to be used for His purpose and for the purpose He created me to be. Being a nail, may not seem as glamorous as a saw, but a saw won't hold the board in place. And, as my photographer friends have taught me, in the right Light and proper perspective, any tool is beautiful.

Reflections

As I sort through my feelings after returning home I am pulled in many directions. I'm excited about all of the changes that have taken place through Blackhawk's sponsorship, the construction of several community buildings, the digging of a well, and most recently, electricity and access to water in the homes. Even more important are the personal changes in the community members, such as learning life skills like providing a source of income, banking and saving money, cooking, leadership training, etc. Best of all is that the community members are now taking ownership of the community and working together on goals for the continued growth of La Merced. The church has begun outreach projects to help those in need... they have become the hands and feet of Christ.

That all sounds great, doesn't it? And it is. Their lives have become much easier now, but have we taken something away from them in the process? Will they get modernized to the point of impacting their relationships? Will they become materialistic and with that never be satisfied with what they have? (like us) We wanted to leave the community with the message to trust God to continue to give them what they need after Blackhawk is gone, just like He did when we were there. We need to follow our own advice to pray and trust that God will lead them in using all of these things for good and the advancement of his kingdom. In that sense our work there is not finished.

My perspective on life and my priorities have been changed forever. I don't know why God has chosen to bless me in the way He has, but I cherish every blessing. I am forever grateful to all of the loving people I met in La Merced. I pray that they know that they have blessed me far more than I have blessed them.

"Some people are so poor...

...all they have is lots of money." It's been 2 days since we arrived back in Wisconsin and this is the quote shared by Ryan from FH I've been thinking about most. It's true that too often being "poor" is defined by the amount of money in a bank account, or the lack of accumulation of "things" like a car, house, or lots of "toys". However living a "rich" life sometimes has little to do with accumulating a lot of money or possessions, especially if the goal is only to please one self.

It's fascinating how much you can learn from children...their attitudes, generosity, honesty and faith and how sometimes when we grow older we can get our priorities and perspective messed up. I learned a lot from the kids and think the richest lives are lived by those who consider every dollar and possession to be a gift - a tool to be used to do good in the lives of others...a life filled with a generous spirit surrounded by a community of strong relationships and one that is focused on others rather than self.

Thank you to all the supporters of our mission and helping to make a difference in the lives of others.

Relationships Rule

It's amazing how quickly I forget that happiness is not based in the abudance of your possessions but in the quality of relationships and people around you. This is one of the lessons I learned once again during our time interacting with the children, adults and team from FH. During our time I gave my camera to the kids to take pictures and it has been fascinating to see through the eyes of a child based on what pictures they take. Below are a few pictures of the kids, playing "drip drip drop" (e.g. duck duck goose) and a boy enjoying a Dr Suess book. Team is doing well and is safe.

Your Love is my Drug

Tonight for our debrief we decided to keep things short because we are all exhausted. Instead of talking about the day, our reactions, and emotions, we instead gave the person on our left a compliment of some kind. As a result of our effort to save time, we ended up having one of the best team moments on the trip. It was awesome to hear the genuine compliments being given. Just before the activity Ben had talked about the possibility of nerves running low at this time of the trip. I feel like no qualm stood a chance against the power of that moment.

So far, this trip has really impacted, challenged, and changed me. However, I have been having a hard time figuring out exactly how I have been impacted and what has changed. I still only have a few answers. Yet I think I have figured something out. When thinking about my future as a physician serving the poor, I have really been focusing on the medicine. I didn't think that there was too much more too it. This trip has shown me the power and joy in building relationships. I have developed relationships with kids who I can't speak with directly in just 5 days. My largest fustration on this trip has been the language barrier. I find myself yearning to go deeper with these people and learn more about their struggles and their joys. I think that a lot of people need love more than they need ibuprofen.

a visual post with a few words

pictures of the last few days. welcome by beautiful sunset, time with families and children, a little construction, lots of laughs.

Pics of what we've been up to...

Below are a few posts of our trip....introduction to the American game of baseball (using the old school wooden bat), Big Ben playing a hard core game of ultimate with locals, getting a work-out helping with the construction project in the community in the 95 degree heat, Babs and "Johnito" (John) teaching a lesson on forgiveness, a pic of the "nino's" (children) and some of the kids showing off their craft activity. Team is doing well and developing some good relationships among ourselves and in the community.

Jesus is Calling...wash your hands and take a seat

Jesus has been calling - literally - but maybe not in ways we expected. Jesus is the name of the man who prepares our meals each day when we are in La Merced. Initially, when asked by a Food For the Hungry translator what to do when Jesus called, I replied, "...Listen???" The question caught me off guard, but I soon realized (as the translator walked away) that he was telling me it was time to eat. I soon followed.

We have all been taking the unexpected well. Erin (my wife) and I changed an activity that used salt and baking soda to make a simple tooth powder to exclude the baking soda because it is largely inaccessible to the community. The entire team created Sunday school lessons late last night when the the church asked us if we could teach. We are rearranging our plans and schedules to fit into the amount of time we have left. Regardless, we are doing well, and our plans, even when adapted, have gone well.

I wish the unexpected was always handled as well everywhere else as it's been handled here. I think we can all imagine enough examples from our own lives of how we handle wrinkles in our plans, whether our fault or not...And as I think about this more, maybe we have been more able to adapt because we already understood that all would not go as we planned; we have been more apt to accept that there is a bigger picture in the making than our own.

The time here is halfway through, but hopefully we are able to take our ability to handle the unexpected a little better, with faith that there is a greater plan unfolding.

And remember, when Jesus calls, use all of your senses...

Today we finally made it to La Merced after an orientation at the Food for the Hungry (FH) headquarters in Pucullpa. The orientation prior was extremely valuable for us, particularly me as it is my first time here. It provided an overview of the community and the progress that has been made over the 10 years of their presence. There is now electricity, water pipes available for each family's use, and programs for leadership development.

After about 45 minutes of driving on a paved road, we turned onto a dirt road heading into the jungle with palm groves present on both sides of it. We arrived in the community greeted with a very warm welcome from the children at the school that included songs, poetry, and introductions. The excitement of the children was present on their faces and also with the warm hugs they gave to returning team members. I soon felt welcomed as we walked from the school to lunch. I quickly found two girls holding my hands and me trying to remember my Spanish in order to learn more about them.

After lunch our team divided into smaller groups to visit the homes of children that members of Black Hawk sponsor. It was more difficult than I expected it to be. Not necessarily because of the awkward silences that I had already prepared myself for, but rather hearing families express their sadness with this being the last visit of Black Hawk now that FH is planning to leave La Merced later this year. Many of the children had met their sponsors during past trips and looked forward to their letters or future visits.

I am not sure what the future will hold for the community or what this week will mean to me, but I am glad that I am here right now and ready to embrace whatever comes.

Day One of Amazingness Completed!

Today was a day that felt like an entire week passed within just 16 or so hours.

After taking a three hour nap from midnight to 3am, our group boarded our last flight from Lima to Pucallpa. A one hour flight that went directly over the Andes Mtns..... Gorgeous! And I was quite proud of myself for actually sitting by the window and looking down at the Andes, since I HATE flying.

After arriving in Pucallpa, we were taken to the Forestra Inn, the hotel we are staying. After a 3 hour nap (we are really good at short naps) our group went to Sacha Mamma (a nearby resort) to have lunch. Today is "San Juan Day" in the jungle and in Cuczo. This holiday celebrates the religious figure of John the Baptist. So in honor this holiday, we ate a meal of rice with chicken and eggs cooked in banana leaves and fried plantains. It was really good.

Then our group was taken on a boat tour of an oxbow lake near Sacha Mamma. This was WONDERFUL to be out on the water and see the villages scattered along the shoreline. We stopped in a Shapibo people, a native tribe of the jungle. A woman in this village is an artist and her pottery is known all over Peru and some of her pottery is displayed in museums in the US and the UK, although she has never traveled outside of Peru in her life. I had the opportunity to make a pot under her instruction, not as talented obviously but it was fun! My own mother, an artist, would be proud.

Our day concluded with dinner out at a pizzaeria in Pucallpa. We are all exhausted after day one, but feeling excited, optomistic, and ready to head into La Merced tomorrow to meet the families in the village. About half of our group members have been to La Merced before and they are anxiously awaiting to see their friends again. I am anxiously awaiting to meet new people and started workin with this community.

Overall, I feel blessed to have this opportunity to travel to the jungle of Peru. I have traveled to many different places, and I am consitantely reminded about how many nice, caring, and gracious people there are in this world. The Peruvians here have proved to be nice, caring, and so very gracious!

We Made it to Peru!

We made it! Last night after a 17 hour journey from Madison we made it to Peru in Lima the capitol of the country. We arrived safely at the hotel at midnight and are taking off for Pucallpa at 3:30am to head to our final destination where we'll be serving the community of LaMerced. The pic is from the bus we took from the airport to the hotel and as you can see it was a good "bonding" opportunity! Team is doing well and bonding together. We are excited about what is in store!

2009 and 2005-the hair has changed. =)

quiet wonderings.

Sitting here this morning, quiet in the midst of my giant to do list and setting aside anxious feelings about leaving Madison with a few unknowns, I question so much of why God would have me be a part of this relationship, this Peru story. And with that I wonder why I am so overwhelmingly blessed to have La Merced de Neshuya play such a big part in my story.
I like Brian's post that talks about what side of the line are we living on. I'm sure that most of the time I'm putting God in my life so He can be part of my story, when honestly isn't His story and His redeeming work on earth so much greater and fantastic than I could have even imagined, much less created for myself. In the last five years, I will have been to this little village five times, an opportunity I cannot sufficiently express how thankful I am for. I have been transformed, loved, challenged, heart broken, joyous, cared for, prayed for, sunburnt, sick, blessed, taught, encouraged, and shown practically what it means live simply and with faith that overcomes. My hope for this trip is that I can spend lots and lots of time expressing clearly to my Peruvian friends the impact they have had on my life, the ways they have taught me and shaped the woman I am, that I can laugh and cry with them as we say goodbyes, celebrating the sustainable and development goals their community has reached. I pray that God's work would be the focus throughout this trip- the work He's constantly doing in La Merced, the work He's done in my life and the lives of others. I've began to understand more in this past year that my life means nothing without the unwaivering grace of our Lord. I'm humbled at what He's done with this little girl. May I be part of His story in La Merced, what an honor is has been.

Whose Line is it Anyway?

The idea for this post comes from last week's message (June 13th). It seems to be my food for thought and current inspiration for spiritual adjustment.

There are two sides to the idea. The first side considers that we make God a part of our lives to enhance our own life's story, and the other side is essentially the opposite - that we make God a part of our lives so that we can be a part God's story. I know I mostly fall onto side one.

I ask God for a lot - which is OK, and I should be. However, I rarely ask God what He wants of me...usually because I'm too busy figuring out how God fits into my plans.

I hope during this trip I will pay attention to how I can fit into God's plan - one that's built on love and kindness, humility, and justice - and that I remind myself of this daily.

The Team

Erin Mullan-Towns, Brian Idso, Jeanette Martin, Matt Braund, Laura Lucey, Ben Zimmerman, Dayna Sarver, Laura Traastad, Barbara Bergman, Brian Towns, Sara Zimmerman (not pictured: Cory Sarver)

Garage Sale Ministry?

I've never had a sale with a purpose before . . . well, other than getting space back in my storage room and making a little extra money. This year was different . . . in so many ways. First, it turned out to be a yard sale! Ministry is messy? No kidding! Second, I was no longer the friendly lady with the Hawkeye kids stuff, but a representative of a team, a church, and Christ.

Laura T. created some awesome posters with enlargements of photos of Peru. And Laura L. made a tent sign with "All proceeds go to support Blackhawk Church Peru Mission." That opened a lot of conversations about the church and the mission.

Maybe it is just my imagination, but there were several non-verbal conversations about Christ. In a helping hand, gentle eyes, compassion for the poor. One man from the neighborhood came and picked up the "leftovers" for a container shipment to Haiti. But the saddest story was of a woman who lost a granddaughter during the birthing process. The granddaughter was a twin. Her brother surrived and is twelve months old now. For some reason, the woman shared the intimate details of the joy of having her grandson and her grief in losing her granddaughter. She walked away in tears leaving me speechless at the end of my driveway.

It was a good reminder that I may be going to Peru to work with our Food For the Hungry friends, but there is a much greater "work" being done in my heart.

Loaves and Fishes

I thought it was interesting this morning, when our team leader brought up the "Loaves and Fishes" miracle. Cory and I have been confronted with one obstacle after another when it comes to this mission trip. We began with wondering if God even wanted us to go and expected him to open doors. We weren't sure if Cory's employer would allow him the time off, but again, God worked out that detail. Now our biggest obstacle, fundraising, shouldn't be that intimidating, but it is.


Loaves and fishes. Doesn't seem like much, a sack lunch really, but Christ fed thousands with it. I should be expecting him to do the same through the generosity of friends and family, but somehow, like Peter, I see the waves of lapsing time and a deadline and find myself sinking in doubt.


God, you said that if I have the faith of a mustard seed, you will move my mountains. Help me to stop fixating on the size of the mountain and focus on your faithfulness, provision for all our needs, and that you made those mountains!

A taste of life in Peru

Yes, that is a pig strapped to the back of car.

Corey, the primary Food for the Hungry staff person that works in La Merced, and her daughter Amy.

Creatures: a three-toed sloth.

Food for the Hungry-Pucallpa staff

Lomo saltado: famous Peruvian dish.

Children of La Merced in church.

Typical home in La Merced.

Fresh water spring where the community does laundry.

Visiting a family in La Merced.

View of the Amazon jungle from the plane.